While I was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), I passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled me over, walked to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which I replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does rectum stretcher do?" "Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand inside, I work from side to side until I get inside both hands, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide." The cop asked, "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" I said, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..." Traffic Ticket - $150.00 Court Costs - $145.00 The Look on Cop's Face - PRICELESS